Thanks, but no thanks.

I was that kid.

The slightly chubby & absolutely awkward child whose hair was always creased in all the wrong ways and whose clothing style, if the word style were applicable, was eclectic - but not in a good way.

I was better at having conversations with adults than with kids my own age, but I suppose it's because they'd had more experience in communicating with awkward people. Perhaps it was all a bit endearing.

I had little, if any, interests or hobbies of my own. I'd try to adapt myself to the interests of others - because I wanted to be interesting too, but really that's not the kind of interesting that I was.

The one thing I did always have - my own opinions. Yes, they were influenced by the thoughts of others, of course. But I was the first one to shout out about perceived injustice - even though that meant I was picked on and belittled.

I survived middle & high school by trying to blend in, and through a mix of kindness and intelligence. Still, my opinions ousted me regularly as I made enemies by calling out bullies or refusing to play social games.

My opinions themselves have changed a thousand times over. They've been reworked and reframed, they've evolved, been created, and been abolished. They are fluid. 

But they are strong. They make me strong. They're were my motivation, for so many things. They were, inside me, a driving force for reinvention and discovery and growth. 

I am no awkward child anymore. I thrive socially, I have a deep interest in many things, I have a good sense of style (though my hair may still be a little funny) and I still am quick to stand up for the things I believe in.

To this day (literally, just today) people will  caution me against them, or belittle me for them.

As if I am not the best person to understand what beliefs and opinions I should want to have at any given time.

Or they're intimidated and villianize me for them.

As if I only have and use them as a weapon to yield.

But I go on. It's part of who I am - and that's not about to change.