I can't do this.

I tell myself not to mention it.

I hate whenever it escapes my lips, which is always.

My tone betrays me, everytime.

My voice sounds like bitterness, like my pain. I don't want everyone to know. I want to stay home & not be on display anymore.

I can take care of myself at home. 

But I'm too embarrassed to say I'm hungry other places. 

I don't know how to ask for help like I used to - because it's too raw right now.

I bring my own food when I can. But sometimes I can't. And sometimes I don't want to. It's embarrassing eating my own food. I feel excluded - which is frustrating, because I know people don't exclude me.

I want to talk about it, but not casually.

I want to sob and try and explain how it feels, and feel safe (not crazy) to do so.

And I want to see that the people that care about me hear me - that they are listening and loving.

I know that people genuinely care. I know my friends don't view me as a science project or a charity case - but right now I just can't do it.

I try and remember that people know I'm strong. I try to remember that I am strong. But right now I don't want to have to be.