Last night I spent a lot of time writing, trying to figure out how to say how I felt - and then I came across a blog this morning that had the words I didn't understand how to say.
Its just another person trying to figure things out,
but I really resonate with what she has to say.
http://rachelheldevans.com/blog/scandal-evangelical-heart
Thursday, January 24, 2013
What about it?
I guess its the formulaic, the black and white, the ignorance.
Its the "this is how it is, don't disagree, don't ask questions" philosophy.
The "you are sinning. stop that."
Its believing that what we have to say is so true, so important - that it actually trumps the person in front of us and gives us authority to disregard their feelings or experiences.
The painfully blind eye turned to true brokenness, true pain and true suffering - and worse, the dismissive solutions.
Its all of the words, and none of the understanding.
A faith lacking pervasiveness, authenticity and consideration.
Example: "love others, evangelize, and live upright" has somehow been translated into:
Going against our better judgement; "well I really was trying to reach out to her, but she obviously doesn't want to turn her life around - not my problem" mentality.
Where an act of our "kind Christian service," (trying to rope her into our way of living)
now somehow means love and not the inconsideration that it is.
Where evangelism is an obligation, a formula - and if people aren't living up to the expectations then they're a lost cause.
And certainly, we do not fraternize with those kinds of people.
However, you've neglected to notice that real faith is messy.
That it is pure, deep, unadulterated humility;
And not even knowing how to have it.
That it means sometimes not being sure of a damn thing anymore, and being terrified by it.
That it means not knowing how to have faith.
Not knowing how to believe in anything.
Not knowing how to surrender.
Its trying and failing to throw the addiction of being "good enough".
It means a kind incomprehensible healing and restoration.
It means being bold enough to ask questions like, "how can you still be good, God?"
Its taking the time to care enough about the people around you, that you learn to understand them.
That you listen, you love, and you hurt for others.
Its doing even the most painful thing, because its right.
Its seeking truth because its true, not because it makes you feel better.
A faith lacking discomfort, insecurities, questions and a genuine heart - is it faith at all?
Or is it simply a religious lifestyle that hurts others?
That's what's about it.
That's what bothers me when I see places like that.
Its the "this is how it is, don't disagree, don't ask questions" philosophy.
The "you are sinning. stop that."
Its believing that what we have to say is so true, so important - that it actually trumps the person in front of us and gives us authority to disregard their feelings or experiences.
The painfully blind eye turned to true brokenness, true pain and true suffering - and worse, the dismissive solutions.
Its all of the words, and none of the understanding.
A faith lacking pervasiveness, authenticity and consideration.
Example: "love others, evangelize, and live upright" has somehow been translated into:
Going against our better judgement; "well I really was trying to reach out to her, but she obviously doesn't want to turn her life around - not my problem" mentality.
Where an act of our "kind Christian service," (trying to rope her into our way of living)
now somehow means love and not the inconsideration that it is.
Where evangelism is an obligation, a formula - and if people aren't living up to the expectations then they're a lost cause.
And certainly, we do not fraternize with those kinds of people.
However, you've neglected to notice that real faith is messy.
That it is pure, deep, unadulterated humility;
And not even knowing how to have it.
That it means sometimes not being sure of a damn thing anymore, and being terrified by it.
That it means not knowing how to have faith.
Not knowing how to believe in anything.
Not knowing how to surrender.
Its trying and failing to throw the addiction of being "good enough".
It means a kind incomprehensible healing and restoration.
It means being bold enough to ask questions like, "how can you still be good, God?"
Its taking the time to care enough about the people around you, that you learn to understand them.
That you listen, you love, and you hurt for others.
Its doing even the most painful thing, because its right.
Its seeking truth because its true, not because it makes you feel better.
A faith lacking discomfort, insecurities, questions and a genuine heart - is it faith at all?
Or is it simply a religious lifestyle that hurts others?
That's what's about it.
That's what bothers me when I see places like that.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Lets all just be people.
http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/feminism-objectification/
Objectification is a notion central to feminist theory. It can be roughly defined as the seeing and/or treating a person, usually a woman, as an object. In this entry, the focus is primarily on sexual objectification, objectification occurring in the sexual realm. Martha Nussbaum (1995, 257) has identified seven features that are involved in the idea of treating a person as an object:
1. instrumentality: the treatment of a person as a tool for the objectifier's purposes;
2. denial of autonomy: the treatment of a person as lacking in autonomy and self-determination;
3. inertness: the treatment of a person as lacking in agency, and perhaps also in activity;
4. fungibility: the treatment of a person as interchangeable with other objects;
5. violability: the treatment of a person as lacking in boundary-integrity;
6. ownership: the treatment of a person as something that is owned by another (can be bought or sold);
7. denial of subjectivity: the treatment of a person as something whose experiences and feelings (if any) need not be taken into account.
Rae Langton (2009, 228–229) has added three more features to Nussbaum's list:
8. reduction to body: the treatment of a person as identified with their body, or body parts;
9. reduction to appearance: the treatment of a person primarily in terms of how they look, or how they appear to the senses;
10. silencing: the treatment of a person as if they are silent, lacking the capacity to speak.
http://www.rolereboot.org/culture-and-politics/details/2012-12-a-letter-to-the-guy-who-harrassed-me-outside-the-bar
"You don’t get it because in your world, this is just you being clever and hilarious, just a little light-hearted late-night banter! Where's my sense of humor? Dude, you are the third, or fifth, or ninth man this week to be rude to me, to think that what you want—to get a rise from your friends, to make your desire known, to make me uncomfortable, to project some twisted "proof" of your virility into the air—is more important than my comfort or safety. This is not an anomaly. This is constant."
I remember how I've been treated for yelling at someone for slapping my butt, or referring to me in a crude sexual manner. It was always as though I was out of place for doing so, out of place for sticking up for myself.
I received responses, subtle or direct that resembled: "aren't you just cute when you're spit-fire angry" like a toddler in a tantrum with the adults smiling at their 'precious little attempt.'
Or, "Whoa, you're touchy... so easily offended - its not like I meant it like that. What's your deal? Obviously you have some unresolved issues..."
Or, "not everyone is out to get you, paranoid much?"
Its become easier to recognize it when crude - but its pervaded so much more than that.
It's covertly taught women that they aren't capable of protecting themselves, that their personal boundaries are feeble and unwarranted.
- "Does me doing that make you uncomfortable?"
- Um, YES. "No, of course not." My discomfort is probably irrational - I mean, he's obviously okay with it... I don't want him to think I am (insert any quote stated in the paragraph above).
We stifle how we feel about things because culturally we've been taught that it isn't rational, lucrative or acceptable.
So either we women treat ourselves with dignity, and we're returned with a philosophy that says "how silly." Or we women treat ourselves as invalids and by it we prove to ourselves that the "how silly" philosophy is true.
Think of the cultural image that manifests when a woman stands up for "women" or "feminism" or comment on unequal gender treatment while in a group. "Unnecessarily feisty" or "irrationally cynical" or "man-hater".
And that image appears for both the men and the women observing her.
Those women are too independent and outspoken for their own good, they're unsuitable for romantic relationships, they're harsh and controlling and they have got some serious problems...
But what if its not those women with the problem, but rather ALL of us with a problem.
We all live out sexual objectification.
I'm not vilifying men, I'm not "over-compensating" for weakness in women - I'm stating that sexual objectification effects even more of our lives than we sometimes realize, and I am OVER IT. Over believing it myself. Over perpetuating it myself. Over having to fight against it, when I actually realize to.
Its not all about sex.
Women are not objects, and men are just as deceived when they believe their power comes from advancing that social perspective.
People, let's change this.
Men, when women say "no" (and I mean in everything, not just in the context of rape) then respect her to be HUMAN and her response as valuable and firm, not unnecessary or a boundary to be pushed - EVEN IF she has not yet learned to be confident against social precepts by holding her boundaries firm by herself. Not because its your job to protect her, but because she's human too & should be respected..
And women, stick up for yourselves. Know your feelings, concerns or convictions are not crazy, that they are not petty - and learn to fight believing and acting as though they are. Also, do not allow yourself to believe and do not tell other women that they are paranoid for standing up for their own.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Grammar is complex.
In researching a variety of grammar rules I've come across this passionate little defense for using "but" in the beginning of a sentence - which is so commonly believed to be wrong, but not actually so.
"If you are trying for an effect which comes from having built up a small pile of pleasant possibilities which you then want to push over as quickly as possible, dashing the reader's hopes that he is going to get out of a nasty situation as easily as you have intentionally led him to believe, you have got to use the word "but" and it is usually more effective if you begin the sentence with it. "But love is tricky" means one thing, and "however, love is tricky" means another--or at least gives the reader a different sensation. "However" indicates a philosophical sigh; "but" presents an insuperable obstacle. . . .
"But," when used as I used it in these two places, is, as a matter of fact, a wonderful word. In three letters it says a little of "however," and also "be that as it may," and also "here's something you weren't expecting" and a number of other phrases along that line. There is no substitute for it. It is short and ugly and common. But I love it."
-St. Clair McKelway
(I like him ;)
"If you are trying for an effect which comes from having built up a small pile of pleasant possibilities which you then want to push over as quickly as possible, dashing the reader's hopes that he is going to get out of a nasty situation as easily as you have intentionally led him to believe, you have got to use the word "but" and it is usually more effective if you begin the sentence with it. "But love is tricky" means one thing, and "however, love is tricky" means another--or at least gives the reader a different sensation. "However" indicates a philosophical sigh; "but" presents an insuperable obstacle. . . .
"But," when used as I used it in these two places, is, as a matter of fact, a wonderful word. In three letters it says a little of "however," and also "be that as it may," and also "here's something you weren't expecting" and a number of other phrases along that line. There is no substitute for it. It is short and ugly and common. But I love it."
-St. Clair McKelway
(I like him ;)
Monday, January 7, 2013
Hospital Visits Suck
Today I visited someone in the hospital.
Her pneumonia is so severe that one of her lungs is ruptured and three-quarters full of fluid.
She weighs a mere 80lbs.
And she is detoxing off of meth, the main cause of her pneumonia.
Her pain was so extreme that she couldn't move, but she managed to engage in some conversation.
She says she'll only be in the hospital for another few days.
She hates it there.
Once she's out she'll immediately return to work.
I asked her what she did - she's a stripper, she said.
She doesn't have any other choice, she stated.
I barely had the chance to hold her hand and stroke back her hair out of her face, but how I wish I could do so much more.
I wish addiction didn't have such a firm grasp on her life.
So firm, its grasp, that she genuinely believes living as destructively as she does is her only option.
She knows it is destructive.
She's aware that she hasn't kissed her little baby girl in months.
And she's been offered nearly limitless rehab opportunities by people who still have hope for her.
Yet its a hope she doesn't know how to hold for herself.
She's surrendered and been overpowered by addiction and hopelessness that now also determine her options, and she's clear in that she has no desire to fight it against its reality.
And there's really nothing I can do but try and express my care for her...
Her pneumonia is so severe that one of her lungs is ruptured and three-quarters full of fluid.
She weighs a mere 80lbs.
And she is detoxing off of meth, the main cause of her pneumonia.
Her pain was so extreme that she couldn't move, but she managed to engage in some conversation.
She says she'll only be in the hospital for another few days.
She hates it there.
Once she's out she'll immediately return to work.
I asked her what she did - she's a stripper, she said.
She doesn't have any other choice, she stated.
I barely had the chance to hold her hand and stroke back her hair out of her face, but how I wish I could do so much more.
I wish addiction didn't have such a firm grasp on her life.
So firm, its grasp, that she genuinely believes living as destructively as she does is her only option.
She knows it is destructive.
She's aware that she hasn't kissed her little baby girl in months.
And she's been offered nearly limitless rehab opportunities by people who still have hope for her.
Yet its a hope she doesn't know how to hold for herself.
She's surrendered and been overpowered by addiction and hopelessness that now also determine her options, and she's clear in that she has no desire to fight it against its reality.
And there's really nothing I can do but try and express my care for her...
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